Dear Brother, She's NOT Oscar

Dear Brother,

After spending some time with you at Christmas, I was reminded of another "fun" little quirk of yours that may prove detrimental to your pursuit of love: You have a tendency to treat your ladies like you treat Oscar.

Now, Brother, I know Oscar is a wonderful little bundle of magic. I know his squishy little face and bug eyes melt your heart. I know that curly tail, highlighting his poor design, makes you want to shower him with love. I know that you are so bursting with love for him that you express it by giving him pink bellies and wrestling with him and his relieved-of-squeaker toys. These are appropriate ways of showing affection to a dog, but not so appropriate for ladies.

Your lady needs love and affection, just like Oscar does, and sure, some ways of giving her that might be similar. What girl doesn't like being taken out for ice cream? Or being hand fed bon bons or other sweet morsels? What girl doesn't like being brought some shiny new bauble? Or having her hair stroked while you whisper sweet nothings in her ear? Those are all fine and dandy, but you, unfortunately, have a tendency to push it a little further. Pat her not-so gently on the head, muss her hair, wrestle her, put her in a headlock, give her a pink belly... please don't. That is, unless you want to scare her off (if that's the case, then by all means, go forward!).

The bottom line: be gentle. Sometimes you can be a bit too Lennie Small.

Love,
Sister