Dear Brother, Your Shit Stinks, Too!

Dear Brother,

I know you may find this hard to believe, what with you being so awesome and whatnot, but your shit stinks, too. Listen, I know you think you're a catch. Let's be honest; you are! You're intelligent, mildly humorous, and marginally good looking. Heck, sometimes you're even a nice guy! But Brother, any chica is going to run screaming in the opposite direction once you unleash your little criticism habit.

Everyone has their deal breakers. A stringent conservative might shudder when he finds out Chickadee is a card-carrying liberal. A devout religious fanatic may head for the holy land when he finds out she's an atheist. Anyone in their right mind would delete Chickadee's number after finding human heads in her freezer. Deal breakers are mostly okay... within reason.

Your deal breakers seem to be just about any and everything. You nitpick. She's three pounds overweight. She isn't psychotic in her love of marathon running. She doesn't think pugs are god's greatest creation. She can't quote every line of Spaceballs. She's lactose tolerant and thus can't commiserate with you. She wants to spend more than one day of the week with you (oh, wait... we covered that one already!). Whatever that minute detail might be, you blow it out of proportion to the point that it hinders your ability to get to know Chickadee, thus destroying any chance that a relationship may develop.

Aside from this putting up a road block for you, it's also going to create one for her! No one likes to feel like they're being picked apart. As much as we tease Dad about his constant vigilance over what we eat (well, over everything we do, really), you do the exact same thing. You may not understand how degrading that can feel, but trust me, Chickadee understands. If she feels like you're constantly judging, correcting, disapproving, and scrutinizing, she's not going to want to stick around and get to know you.

So Brother, please lighten up. Try to be a little more open-minded. Finding a life partner isn't about finding an exact clone (shudder to think!), it's about finding your other half. I hate to go all Jerry Maguire on you, but your goal is to find someone who completes you. Besides, imagine what your kids would be like if you mated with a female clone of yourself! I would NOT babysit those kids!

Love,
Sister

Dear Brother, You're Not Getting Any Younger

Dear Brother,

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but time only moves forward (unless, of course, you are in possession of a DeLorean equipped with a flux capacitor). We can't stop it, we can't reverse it, we can only succumb to it. That being said, I have to remind you of something very important: you're not getting any younger.

Brother, it is very important to me that you have a happy and fulfilling life. And I truly believe that relationships are what make life full and enjoyable. Friends, family, romantic partners - these are all important bonds to create and nurture. You have friends (or at least you insist that you do... I'm still not certain that mom and dad aren't paying them to be nice to you), and you have family (including the best older sister in the entire world), but you lack the final component: a life partner.

It is for that reason I create this blog. I am here to offer you my worldly, sisterly advice, in the hopes that you will one day find love and happiness in a life partner.

Love,
Sister